Lost and Found

Galations 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

This verse seems to have been the theme for my study of God over break thus far. Everything I read, I always turn back to this verse. Tonight, as I read God's Word, I was truly overcome with how obedient the Apostle Paul was to God. He completely gave his life over to Christ, denying himself family, comfort, and... himself. His family was the family of God, his comfort was in the hope given to us through Christ, and he himself was mostly gone, replaced by Christ. Paul suffered. He was deserted. Ding, ding, ding; realization: Christ was too! And.. as Christians, aren't we supposed to live by His example?

2 Timothy 2:11-13

If we die with him,
we will also live with him;
If we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful
for he cannot disown himself.

It is our choice. We can live with Christ, or we can reject him. But, he will be faithful, for he who promised is faithful (Heb. 10:23).

If we choose Christ, we must give up ourselves, our wishes, our comfort; we must succomb to the Spirit; we must release worldly values; we must accept the suffering we may feel now. We must be self-controlled, self-disciplined, self-less.

The truth is, choosing Christ makes us seem weak to the world. But, with the Holy Spirit, we are made more powerful than ever before. Through us, God can make a difference.

According to Romans 8:18, our present suffereing is worthless compared to the glory that will be revealed.

It's all up to you:
Will you crucify yourself in order to really live?

vows

God has called us all to commitments great and small. Lately I have felt it upon my heart that God wants me to consider making a new rule for myself: that I will not hang out with boys alone. Ever. If there is more that one person involved, then yes, but no, not one boy. I have come to realize that being alone with people can cause the imagination to wander. I don't want my imagination to wander ever again; God has called me to be his child and pray for thoughts and imaginative activity that will honor Him. I feel that I will be in a much more Godly place if I spend my time with groups of people or God alone.

While I may have been called make this vow, God has impressed upon me how terribly difficult it will be to uphold. It will be extremely inconvenient, and although I am willing to take inconvenience, I must also consider whether or not it will be possible for me to follow this rule. So easily we can allow ourselves to be put in this sort of setting, as it is a rather common one. Keeping myself from all situations where there is one other boy involved will require me to be on my guard 24/7. I will also have to decide on actual boundaries, so everything is clearly defined for myself and others.

I have learned that in order to make this commitment, I must put as much effort into making the decision as I do fulfilling it. This will require much prayer and many talks with others. Who knows how long it will take? But, I must put my faith in God, and whatever choice He leads me to make must be upheld. What is God calling you to do?

Taken.

Some of tonight's pursuit:

Joel 2:13
Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

1 Peter 5:8-10
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Titus 3:3-7
At one time, we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. Ww lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Lately I've been very concerned with the topic of abortion. The many suffering girls who turn to what they see as the only answer. It makes me so upset when I think about how we take for granted the beautiful gift of life. Sections of tonight's prayer:

I plead for the life of this child. It deserves every goodness of life and the beauty that can come along with it. Father God, why are so many people okay with this murder? It doesn't compute. Why is it okay in our country to kill your child? The most beautiful gift you can possible give us, they trample on. They use it, rape it, do everything vile to this great gift. Why are we so wretched? so disgusting. I look at this situation with abhor... We are wrong, selfish, hateful, foolish, deceiving, enslaving... We have stolen, we have ripped to shreds, we have thrown to the side everything precious you've given us. Enable me, father. Put me where you need me. I am willing - change me and use me.

1 John 5:14-15
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us- whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of him.

the call

God puts so many ideas and thoughts into my head.. They've increased a lot lately. Perhaps that is a result of my increased pursuit of the Word lately. But, today so much has entered into my mind.

I am so blessed. Not only with material items, but with the gift of faith. God has placed everything so intricately in my life causing His existence to be so clear to me. So many others don't see Him, and I wonder why it has been so easy for me. I have always had a passion for Christ; I desire to be with Him. Sure, sometimes our walk together has been slower than other times - and I take the blame for that - but, we have always been on that walk, no matter how rocky the path has gotten (and believe me, I have truly been blessed in that the path has never actually been that rocky). Others never have that passion or desire. They may not even see a divine path for walking. Why have I been so blessed with family and friends that encourage me in my relationship with Christ, and just that original internal passion when others have not?

Maybe it is my job to "enlighten" them. Is it just me, or could that word carry two meanings right now?

I want to be the person who shoves money and riches away from her. Who gets rid of things as fast as she can purely to serve the Lord and bless people. I want to give random people things, pay for someone's dinner, anything God calls me to do. I want to serve others with everything my Father has blessed me with.

Father, give me the desire to step out of my comfort zone, and to leave popular culture behind to join yours instead. Give my heart passion for humans, not material items. Give me strength as I attempt to share your goodness with the world.

Waste

Tonight I spent a lot of time in fellowship with others. But, no, not in person. On facebook. Sure enough, I chatted it up for quite some time, but for what purpose? Of course, some of the conversation was fruitful, but some was just light. I cannot allow myself to waste my precious time this way. When I looked back and realized I could have spent that time with God.. Digging into His Word, or just talking with Him.. or you know, I could have been sleeping too - resting my soul so that I can perform my best tomorrow- it just made me sad. God doesn't call me to sit at my computer doing nothing for hours. No, He calls me to be my best 24/7, and you know what? Facebooking is not my best. Don't ruin the chances we have to do good before they run out.

Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Beauty

God, my God, how majestic is your name in all the Earth.

Tonight several big desires have crossed my heart. I watched some DVDs of musicals I've been in, and it just reminded me of how much I truly miss musical theatre. I want to sing, and really.. really sing. I want to fill a character, and be someone else. Portray someone else for an audience of hundreds. What a good feeling.

I remembered how it feels to stand on the stage and forget who you are. When you reach that point that you no longer have to think about what you're doing, or what facial expressions you have, but you just do it. You live it.. because you have truly become the character, even if it is just for a short time. When the set is perfect, and the lights are beating down on you, creating that fourth wall. Making the stage separate from the seats below. You no longer care what the audience thinks of you, yet you depend on the audience for the energy you need to continue on.

And then you dance and sing that last number. The jazzy one that gets everyone's attention. And it just feels right. And you get this high, and there's nothing quite like it. You are so excited and nervous that you want to jump out of your skin, yet you are so perfectly content at the same time.

Well, that's one desire.

But the other one. It's more. I desire to live a life of pure devotion for my Lord. To be 100% in love with him at every moment. I want to praise Him, and be good for Him. I want to be what He wants me to be. I want to be different. I want to change, leap, be abnormal. I hope to be filled with passion and be empowered by the Love of Jesus Christ.

I know God can give me that breathless feeling too. And a whole lot better than the one on the stage too.

Now it is my challenge to myself to give up my desires for my Father. I want my desires to align with His. And no matter what He has me doing, whether it's exactly what I originally wanted, or the last thing I could have possibly imagined, I want to be filled and complete, purely because He is my Father. He provides, and He knows best.

Lead me, Father; make my wants and my desires your own. Merge my thoughts with yours. Make me righteous and pure. Make your daughter exactly the way you want her.

The start of something new

I quoted High School Musical in the title of my first blog. A good move? Probably not, but it was the first thing I thought of. I don't know what this blog will turn out to be. Perhaps I will post a few times, then forget about it. Maybe this will become a daily ritual. Who knows? But, I felt like creating a blog at 12:15 AM when coming across a friend's blog. I was inspired to do something neat. Maybe try to be one of those deep, artsy people. The kind that you notice in the coffee shops (not Starbucks, of course. Way too cliche) sipping her latte and enjoying conversation with a friend. You hear a word or two of her speech, and it sounds the same way she dresses - profound and inspiring. That's not me. It probably never will be; I am much too spontaneous and straight forward to be the type that needs to be interpreted. But, I do hope that this blog will be like that woman. Profound and inspiring. We'll see what comes. The only profound thoughts I have probably center around my Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. I want to be wrapped up in Him, completely engulfed in His goodness. It is my wish that this blog will reflect that. This blog Will or it Won't. It will be Something or it will be Nothing. We'll see what the future holds.